The News

Zoomray alights on Stockholm as Sweden Burghers rise up wreckful with smashup attitude.

The whole world is a spreadsheet of posset and dross.

Valhalla orchestra plays misty for Major Sixty-Nine and his totter Abalone: human race factors at play again, and again, over time.

History stopped at 6.37 GMT.
Light crimson hand cream the emollient of choice for nutjobs, shares in cochineal soar like Anna Neagle.

Theft rash at Cannes: jewels to blame.

Ferrari elopes with Mercedes, Dante fitted up – same old dumbass yarn.

Eccles cake bomber found in microwave: ‘Little Imps!’ said a fishbowl spokeshave weeping in his absinthe, ‘Mine’s a sweeper.’ Incoholic dribble drabble if one asks.

Caustic soda fountains are good for you.

Indolent sex safer than casual sex: Comatose Times.

Red shank racket exposed in wetland areas after drone surveillance by Graf Zeppelin.

Turkish Delight found in Royal Jelly, workers out.

Queen Sulks Blue – savory meatball blows sun.

Cockroaches defy traps, thriving on sugary bait with anti-glucose gambit: ‘cunning little bastards!’ sez bug expert. Only solution no humans – take that you swine!

No pressure on the East Coast so chill. Filament of rain spreading from the light bulbs of Ghent, polders forewarned on modest drizzle. Not many dead yet.

Affray in Braintree; scruffy string implicated.

Guantanamo Bay traces found in Margarine: no comment from the Vatican.

Exposure to pornography causes masturbation say a bunch of wankers: curriculum changes in the pipeline: ‘Just pull the plug on it!’ demand Plumbers of Silesia.

Mad Dog Murdo eats a little often. Four people led away by elves.

‘Needless!’ say the Needful.

Anchovy cheesecake rage grabs Orange County, shagwrecks suspected.

The weather: general.

Sport: King Kong Wins Ping Pong in Yin Yang Cliffhanger.
‘No apparent reason the cause’ claims Universal Mind.


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